Rodney Drury: Pain and Vain Imagination

I often forget the things I need to remember the most. The activity of this summer, the joy and pain of accomplishing things has once again awakened me to the reality that pain is a part of my life. I enjoyed a few months where I lived with “discomfort,” a much kinder friend than pain. Life was easy, I didn’t have the burden of considering how much resolve it would take to participate in an endeavor. I could sit in a chair and relax, not just try to relax. But today that is different. The pain in back.

So once I allow myself time to grieve what is now gone, what do I do? As I continue to ask God to intervene, as I try and take care of myself, and as I try new remedies, treatments and exercises to reduce my suffering, what do I do? As followers of Jesus, as disciples, what do we do with lingering pain?

We don’t all have the same kind of pain, but most of us have some kind. Our pain may be an issue in our lives that we wish was not so. I often try to deal with my pain in several ways. One way is to ask God to remove it. A second method I use is to distract myself away from my pain by imaging doing activities without that pain, I “daydream about what it would be like to walk, fish, camp without pain. A third way I deal with pain is not helpful but I still fall into this pit, I wait time imagining my future with the pain and hindrances I have, and I despair. When our “daydreams” are positive they tend to bring hope, when they are negative they are worry. But something else happens for me when hope is infected with a strong desire to have what I hope for now.

When I bring my hope for the future into the present moment and my heart is not excepting of my reality but demanding some selfish relief from my condition, I grow dark inside. Negative emotions about not being healed darken my vision of life, God family, everything. I start to feel sorry for myself. I start to despise my life and want another life, a different life, a life that God has not given me. I start to judge God’s motives and intentions. Pride, masquerading as wisdom tells me that I deserve to be healed, to be healthy, and to have all that my heart desires. I start to dream of a life, a life I do not have and if I am not careful, I start to seek a life that exist only in my imagination.

For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures. Romans 1:21-23

Honoring and giving thanks to God may not seem like they are critical elements in daily life and dealing with pain, but they are foundational. The more we hurt the more we need to focus on honoring God and thanksgiving. This Godward focus helps us lift up our heads and move beyond a self-gaze. When we enter a land of imagination and speculation that is “apart from” God, darkness grows in our souls. We start to deceive ourselves about so many things, about God’s love for us, about our value, about our happiness. We trade the glory of God for images, ideas, human creations of what the good life is all about.

This morning I got up and I started off not honoring God. I started off by not giving thanks to God for the life I have, I started off by dreaming of a life I do not have. This dream was not a part of some prayer or intercession. This dream was me creating in my mind a life that I want and setting it up on a pedestal as what I desire. My emotions and affections were drawn to this dream in much the same way the Golden Calf created by Aaron drew the attention of the nation of Israel wondering in the wilderness. I was looking to an image for hope, for a future, for joy.

When this process is about physical pain and suffering we often have sympathy for the one suffering and “allow them more grace” to get through their situation. But the kind of grace we need is not that which promotes negative thoughts and darkness. The kind of grace we need is the kind that empowers us to except our reality with courage. We need courage to face a “if you can dream it you can have it” world. We need courage to confront the “you deserve this” or “you deserve better” world. Selfishness, vain imaginations, futile thinking and not honoring God by not excepting reality does not help us.

Man, Cinkur, Portrait, Male, Dream, Hope

“The good life,” as most of us encounter it, is an idea about life where I continually get what I desire. “The good life” in this modern sense can be the fulfillment of my personal desires and longings. But holding up “the good life” as an idol can crush your spirit, destroy your relationship with God and poison you with false truths. The pathway to glory has many trials, tribulations and testings.

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:12-17

When I am on top of my spiritual game I battle my personal lust, desires and longing with adoration for God. Richard Foster points out in his book of prayer that Adoration has two parts. (1) Is Thanksgiving -giving glory to God for what he has done for us. (2) Praise- giving glory to God for who he is in himself. Adoration is both a mental and spiritual activity that perceives the goodness of God and utilizes the person as an instrument of pronouncement. Both thanksgiving and praise are critical for living with God in the moment, in the moments of pain, suffering and disappointment. In time we can lean to avoid the pit of vain imaginations and selfish love by living out unselfish love expressed through adoration.

Jesus calls us to deny ourselves and follow Him. We all face temptations to “improve ourselves” and follow Him or “fulfill ourselves” and follow Him. When I take my eyes off myself and develop a focus on God, the result is a “happier me” in the midst of my pain and suffering. When I have a thankful heart I can live in the moment with Jesus, even when that moment is filled with unsatisfied desires and longing. When I don’t change my gaze toward God I usually am driven by my desires to seek relief or joy in some carnal, non-God pleasing way.